How do you hear God’s voice louder in your head than any other highly influential voice – like a mother’s or a husband’s that may have spoken untruth to you? Jennifer: So, that being the case, let’s say that someone’s mother didn’t always give them truthful messages. I definitely do hear my own voice, and hopefully, God’s voice, but I also hear the voices of other people who I respect either from as far back as my childhood to someone who is fresh in my life. So even though I have grown up, as I am thinking something through or considering something, I will hear her voice as well, and take that information into consideration, along with all the other voices – like mine, and hopefully, God’s – before I make a decision.
Lisa: As we grow up, I think that, especially for me, I’ve always wanted to please my mom, and I’ve taken what she had to say with great value. I think the most common way that we do that is probably hearing our mother’s voice in our head. Jennifer: And so you’re saying that you are capable, and probably all of us are capable of hearing not only our words in our own head, but also someone else’s that we’ve invited in. So I was listening to them in my head and having that conversation, and then internalizing it and owning it. The message I was getting was that I was needy. In that situation you mentioned where I told myself, “I’m so needy,” I was reacting to the perception that I felt a friend (whose approval I wanted) thought I was too heavy. So what you’re saying, if I understand you correctly, is that you use your self talk sometimes as role-playing so that you can rehearse what shows up on the outside. My hopeful result is that I come out looking the way I want to look, rather than the way I might otherwise look just naturally. So when I do have them, they sound spontaneous, but really, I’ve thought them through so I sound and look good. Therefore, I have these conversations in my head before I actually have them out loud. Or I rehearse and talk it out in my head because I fear that I can’t just spontaneously be who I am, – that I need to control what I say ahead of time. I do it because I don’t want to sound like a fool when I say something out loud. I’m becoming aware of and realizing that I shouldn’t be thinking through or rehearsing in my head what I am going to say. Now, I think the LORD is showing me something. Because I want their approval or I appreciate their point of view, I’ll often rehearse or review conversations with them. They’re oftentimes between other people and myself. Lisa: Well, I think that I have conversations in my head that are rarely just between me and me. Jennifer: Ok, so tell me – Is that typical of the way that you talk to yourself? Do you talk to yourself more during certain seasons, like this one, when you feel a little more emotionally sensitive? Tell me about that. Lisa: ( giggles) Yes, now that you mention it.
You found yourself on the airplane, telling yourself something, and I believe, if I remember correctly, you were telling yourself, “I’m so needy. Jennifer: I remember several months ago we had a conversation and you were talking about how you were going through a transition in your life. Just grab a cup of coffee and plan to read this more than once…it’s rich with insight and God will really use her words in your life as He did in mine. I got so much out of my conversation with my friend Lisa Whelchel, and I know you will too. Instruction brings life condemnation brings destruction.Īctress and Author of Creative Correction, Taking Care of the “Me” in Mommy and The Busy Mom’s Guide to Prayer and Bible Study.
But when I feel condemned, like I’m not good enough, that’s not instructive. Marilyn: Oh, sometimes I need the correction. Jennifer: How do you know the difference? As you know, there are some levels of self-condemnation that are damaging. And when I come out of the office, I either want my money back, or I’ll say, “You know, that was good.” That’s constructive, not condemning though. Marilyn: I take myself into my office and I have a chat. “Now Marylyn, you could avoid that next time, if you would just…” It’s like a parent has to discipline a child. And I will chastise myself, and I need to hear that sometimes. Sometimes I’ve done a dumb thing, a tactless thing, something that is lacking wisdom. Marilyn: (Laughs even louder) Of course to the extent that it’s a problem! But when I speak to myself that way, sometimes I need to hear that. Jennifer: But not to the extent that it’s a real problem? Jennifer: Do you ever speak to yourself with self-condemnation? What if you do something stupid? Do you ever say, ‘Marilyn, you knucklehead!’
Listen in on our conversation for a moment as Marilyn described her own self talk to me.
Marilyn Meberg is a licensed therapist, an author, and a professional speaker.